Emotionally Immature Parents Series (Part 2): The Effects
- Sasha Larson, LMHC
- Nov 10
- 3 min read
Welcome back to Part Two of the Emotionally Immature Parents Blog Series! If you haven’t already, check out the first blog post of the series discussing the “The Four Types of Emotionally Immature Parents." As a therapist in Tampa Palms, I often work with clients who struggle with their relationship with their parents and/or have trauma from their parents. Understanding these patterns of dysfunction is the first step towards healing and growth.
To review, emotionally immature parents can seem like healthy parents from the outside, however, when you take a closer look, you notice that they are egocentric (overly focused on themselves) and have difficulties tolerating stress. They fear emotions and pull away from real intimacy. Emotionally, they are unreliable and inconsistent, and they often prioritize their own needs above their children’s. They are usually single-minded, rigid, and have little acceptance of others' differences (ex: they think everyone should think and behave the way they do). If any of that fits with your experience, you may be dealing with an emotionally immature parent.
Now that we’ve reviewed some characteristics of emotionally immature parents, let's get into the effects they can have on their adult children (possibly you).
You may lack confidence in yourself or have low self esteem.
As children, we understand our worth and develop our self-esteem from our parents. If our parents invalidate us, dismiss us, or abuse us, we are going to grow up feeling worthless, unlovable, or not good enough. You may struggle with a harsh inner critic, and it might be hard to recognize your accomplishments or notice the good things about yourself.
You have difficulties setting boundaries and/or prioritizing your needs.
With emotionally immature parents, you've been taught that your parents needs and feelings come before your own. As a result, you may have a hard time recognizing what you're feeling or identifying your needs because you've learned to cope by pushing them down and being attuned to your parents. You may also struggle with people-pleasing and find it difficult to stand up for yourself.
You have a dysfunctional relationship with your parent now.
With emotionally immature parents, you often feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around them. It doesn’t feel emotionally safe, and you may feel like you have to put on a "mask" or you can’t be your authentic self around them. You might constantly feel alert and on edge talking to them, and you may even feel worried about saying the “right things” so that they don’t get upset with you. You might even talk with your parents often, but when you check in with yourself, you realize you don’t feel safe, understood, or secure during the interactions.
You might suffer from symptoms of childhood trauma.
Low self esteem is not the only side effect of emotionally immature parents. Oftentimes, adult children of emotionally immature parents also struggle with anxiety, depression, nightmares, loneliness, and trauma symptoms. You might notice that you have a hard time feeling positive emotions, and you struggle with a feeling of numbness or like you’re just “going through the motions.” You may struggle with anxiety, and you always feel fearful or on edge like something bad is going to happen. You may have a hard time genuinely connecting with others and fear closeness or emotional intimacy.
If you've read this blog and realize you may be struggling with the effects of emotionally immature parents, know that it is not your fault. Feeling rejected, uncared for, or being abused by a parent is one of the most terrifying, painful experiences that a child can go through. You didn't deserve that. You deserved unconditional love, care, and support (and you still deserve that). As an adult, you may be feeling confused, angry, anxious, and sad about the relationship with your parents. It's completely normal to feel this way, and therapy can help.
Resources: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD
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Hi, I'm Sasha! I'm a licensed therapist in Tampa, FL. As an anxiety and trauma therapist, many of my clients come to me to process childhood trauma and/or navigate dysfunctional relationships with their parent(s). Together, we can work to untangle you from the negative beliefs holding you back, learn how to listen to your needs, set boundaries, and feel more grounded. In therapy, you can finally slow down, get the support you've always needed, and learn how to provide that same care to yourself. If you're ready to make a change, feel free to fill out the contact form or send me a text/give me a call at (352) 649-3876. I'd love to hear from you!
