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Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Abuse: A Therapist's Guide

Writer's picture: Sasha Larson, LMHCSasha Larson, LMHC

When people hear the term “abusive relationship”, they usually think of physical violence, threats, or sexual abuse, while emotional abuse is overlooked. However, emotional abuse is the most common form of mistreatment in relationships in the United States. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Violence Survey, it is estimated that 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men in the US have experienced psychological/emotional abuse by an intimate partner in their lifetime. In addition, psychological abuse is a stronger predictor of PTSD in women than even physical abuse, and 7 out of 10 women who are psychologically abused will display PTSD symptoms.


Emotional abuse can deeply impact how you see yourself and the world around you. You might feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, worried that anything you say or do could upset your partner. Over time, you may find yourself feeling ashamed, anxious, and powerless. You feel like you’re going crazy, and you start to question your sense of reality. You may even start believing some of the negative things your partner has said about you, and you blame yourself for your partner’s reactions. As the abuse continues, you may have drifted away from your friends and family, and you feel like the only person you have in your life is your partner. These feelings are common in emotionally abusive relationships. Recognizing emotional abuse is the first step towards healing and reclaiming your power.



What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse involves non-physical behaviors that are used to control, manipulate, scare, and isolate someone. These behaviors are often subtle and harder to recognize, however they are used to maintain power and control over their partner.


Some examples of emotional abuse:

  • Criticizing, belittling, or shaming you

  • Controlling what you wear, what you post, and what you do

  • Discouraging you from spending time with friends, family, or peers

  • Making negative comments about your appearance, intelligence, or personality

  • Blaming you for their abusive behavior

  • Controlling finances

  • Gaslighting: making you question your reality by dismissing your feelings, twisting the truth, and denying your memory of events

  • Pressuring you or forcing you to engage in sex

  • Destroying your belongings or your home


If you recognize some of these patterns in your relationship, you may be experiencing emotional abuse. You might find yourself making excuses for their behavior or believing that it is not “that bad" or "they weren’t like this before." At the beginning of a relationship, abusive people can appear to be wonderful, ideal partners. They may not engage in abusive behaviors until the relationship progresses and they gain more power and control over you. This can lead many people to feeling confused, frustrated, or even responsible for their partner’s abusive behaviors. “He wasn’t like this at the beginning” or “She isn’t like this all the time. She’s really nice and caring.” or “They had a really tough childhood.” It’s common for people to make excuses for their abusive partner’s behavior. You are probably a really empathetic person, and you want to see the best in your partner. However, trauma is not an excuse to be abusive, and most people who have experienced trauma do not go on to abuse their partners. There is no excuse for abuse.


If you're questioning whether you may be experiencing emotional abuse, you may benefit from seeking professional help from a therapist. As a therapist in Gainesville, FL, I have supported many people navigating emotionally abusive relationships. Therapy can provide you with a safe place to feel your feelings and process your relationship without feeling judged or ashamed. Together, we can help you regain your power, reclaim your sense of self, and help you find peace again. (Click here to learn more about me!)




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Address: 2720 NW 6th St Suite 301-C, Gainesville, FL 32609

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